The Death of a Fan: The Ballad of Steve Slaton

One thing needs to be known at the beginning of this post. I'm a huge sports fan. Huge. I check major sports websites multiple times per day. I read virtually every relevant story produced by major newsoutlets on sports I follow. I will watch SportsCenter and sit through commentary on basically any sport. I'll even watch an entire episode of Around the Horn. Point is, I love sports. I don't know why, and honestly, I'd probably be a much better educated and skillful person if I rededicated that time to more useful pursuits, but it's unavoidable. I'm hard-wired.

Which brings me to the limitations of space and time. There are only 24 hours in a day, and really, only so much time I can devote to following sports. My sports-following section of my brain may be enlarged and overactive, however, it is not omnipotent, and I really can only follow so many sports at once. This explains why I have zero interest in hockey. I can appreciate a great play and will always watch the highlights on SportsCenter, but I can't name too many players other than Crosby and Ovechkin. Even with my Bruins in first place of the Eastern Conference, I really could not be bothered. Other qualifiers for this category of complete disinterest include NASCAR, Cricket and Timber Sports.

I then have my category of "Lazy Day" sports. In essence, I don't know anything about these sports other than the names of their major personalities and events, and will really only end up watching them if I'm casually flipping channels and stumble upon it. Sports here include Formula One Racing, Rugby and Women's Beach Volleyball.

Golf and Tennis get their own category. I really enjoy both sports, and follow all the majors (and in golf's case, other tournaments with big-name headliners), but I really wouldn't qualify as an intense fan. I'd say a casual observer.

Now we are onto the big area: Sports I Actually Follow. This group has had a long history of promotion and relegation. From the age of 3, my parents have pushed both basketball and soccer on me (depending on the parent). As the son of an Irish immigrant, I followed the English Premier League just as much as I followed the NBA, and I lived in Roy Keane jersey growing up (on the days I wasn't wearing my Scholes and Schmichael gear). However, I didn't live in a particularly ethnic area, and by that I mean, no one knew anything about soccer. You can only be the lonely schoolboy watching soccer for so long, and my focus shifted towards the genuinely American sports of football and baseball. I became a rapid fan of the Patriots and Red Sox, and went through a hiatus of soccer fandom from about the ages of 10 until 17. The World Cup was back on, and Poeltl and I started our new favorite game of watching YouTube soccer clips for hours on end. I dived in headfirst, becoming absorbed with all things soccer, and seeing an entirely new generation of teams and players than the ones I had left years before.

This post is not about me rediscovering soccer fandom however. You guys are obviously aware of this given how I spend my freetime writing long-winded entries like this one. The impetus for this post actually comes from a barber shop of all places. Yesterday afternoon, I decided to trim the mop that had sprung from my head, and went to an old-style barber shop in town. It's the kind of place with a straigh-razor shave and stench of barbicide that blasts you the moment you walk in the door. While you're waiting to get your cut, they have a stack of Sports Illustrated for you to thumb through. Pleasantly surprised that the issue I picked up was actually the current issue (not some ancient issue with a cover story "Manning or Rivers: Who Should Go First?") and thumbed through their NFL preview (or I guess, training camp review). Disinterestedly going through page after page, I read some things of interest and skip the ones that don't, just like everyone else. I finally discover, after ten grueling minutes, I'm done. I had read maybe a page and a half of actual information, and had just flipped through the entire magazine. I read a preview of USA-Mexico, and then an editorial about how we unfairly demonized Bonds, considering how it appears everyone was doping.

I went through the magazine again, and stopped for a moment on an interview with Steve Slaton. I've heard the name before, and was aware that he had a great rookie year for the Texans last season. I didn't know much else about him because, well, he plays for the Texans. The interview was a light human-interest type story with a slight fantasy bent, the type of stuff I used to lap up in earlier years. Perhaps my lost hours playing Madden contributed, but there was a time when I could name most starters on most NFL teams. And, without a doubt, name every player of decent ability on every team. So here I was, facing my own new-found ignorance on a pocket of American football, and I flipped the page. I had stopped caring.

To be honest, I can't name a single draft pick by my beloved New England Patriots. During our senior year of high school, I remember watching the whole first day of the draft at Colin's house, sleeping over and then watching the whole SECOND day of draft coverage. Very few players of worth are ever draft in those 5 rounds, and even if they are, you won't know for a few years. Maybe it's because Super Bowl XLII absolutely ripped every Patriots Fan's soul out, which is, without a doubt, the most horrific sporting memory of my lifetime (football is more my cup of tea than baseball, so it beats out the Boone home run). But, it isn't just football. Baseball is fading further into the rear view mirror. I can't tell you how many games are between us and the Yankees in a moment's notice, and I can't remember the last time I watched a baseball game on my own. I still love both sports-I'm going to a Red Sox game next week-but I can't seem to follow them with the same fervor as in years past. Football (the European kind) has taken over, and the only sport inpenetrable to its influence is my other true love, basketball. I can't chalk up my decaying fandom to newfound maturity, as I'm still procrastinating with sports as much as ever (needless to say, I'm writing this at my internship). I just never anticipated one sports fandom cannibalizing almost all others.

Basketball season is over, so I don't watch ESPN. As in, ever. Maybe there will be a soccer match on, and there's my exception. I would watch the same SportsCenter three times in a day and not be fazed; now I can't sit through 10 minutes. This post is in no way meant to be melancholy, merely observatory. After all, if it made me sad, I could very easily start following both sports again. But, chances are, I won't. I'll still watch Patriots games when they are on, I'll watch the SuperBowl and probably most of the playoffs. I'll watch most of the Red Sox playoff games, if they make it that far. I'm not abandoning them. But, if we lose, if things don't go our way, something tells me my normal pattern of destroying inanimate objects and absolute rage will probably not follow. There will be pangs of disappoint, but they'll be as fleeting as hopes for Newcastle's promotion. I'll just flip the channel over to some rerun of CSI: Miami and enjoy the slick, campy and absolutely ridiculous carnage (probably the greatest bad show to ever air). But now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go see if there's any transfer news.

Thoughts on the weekend

Some random thoughts on the weekend:

The Charity Shield was a good match, happy both teams decided to play free and open (it was a friendly after all). Nani played well, Valencia showed determination, Owen showed sluggishness and Rooney had a nice goal. Foster has shown, again, that he really isn't a top quality keeper, and he really needs to be replaced as the long-term prospect for both Manchester United and England. For Chelsea players, Drogba showed some hustle, and given his history, always a good thing. Cech looked good, with the exception of the Nani goal, and Lampard had a great second half.

The second goal for Chelsea should not have been allowed however. It's pretty simple. If you're a ref who stops play for any injury, fine. If you're a ref who needs blood and severed limbs to stop play, fine. Just be consistent. Manchester United had a very attacking position when Evra beat Ballack and Ballack fell clutching his ribs. No foul had been committed, but the ref immediately halted play and had the ball booted to United's backline. Evra AND Berbatov were both down injured and play went on for a couple minutes, eventually leading to a goal that came from a gaping hole at (*Gasp*!) left back. If the Ballack thing wasn't called, I really don't have an issue with it. But it was, so it is rather unfair to the Mancs.

I then flipped over to watch about twenty minutes of a Bundesliga match between Bochum and Borussia Mochengladbach. I was excited to see Michael Bradley play, but really, I have to say, are shit Bundesliga teams that much better than MLS teams on good days? This was a comedy of errors in every way possible. Gladbach gave up 3-0 lead in under 20 minutes, and the miscues and overall shittiness was unbelievable. Germany has some depth at the top, but really I just think Bayern is slowly sinking down to a crap level. I honestly think France is either caught up or soon surpassing the Bundesliga in overall league quality. Bayern will always draw great players, but players they'll have to stubbornly hold onto. I mean really, outside of Ribery, who is a star in the Bundesliga? Luca Toni is horribly overrated, and basically lives offsides. You have some up-and-comers, but all players who want to LEAVE the Bundesliga. Ribery chose Bayern after he was getting decent interest after a good World Cup, but it's not like peole were breaking down doors and Bayern beat everyone else. I'm ranting, but all I'm trying to say is, those players on that field (relegation-fodder Bundesliga teams) sucked, and really, Michael Bradley could do better. And for all the Eurosnobs (myself sometimes included), it is really good proof that not all things European are better than MLS (though I'm sure the pay-structure/free agency aspect is).

Speaking of Bradley, and Yanks, I checked for Sochaux's result against Auxerre, and while Sochaux won, I really can't find any sort of written account. Charlie Davies was a sub in a 1-0 game in the 70th minute, so that shows that team has some definite plans for him. He signed a four-year deal, and I'm pretty excited considering he saw some action right away. Hannover 96 but Cherundolo played all match, and Kenny Cooper started (already!) for 1860 Berlin and scored in his debut! Pretty sick stuff. Jay Demerit played all match for Watford and Jemal Johnson captained all match for MK Dons. I'm not going into all the really minor leagues, but it's safe to say Americans were looking this past weekend (except maybe Michael Bradley, that sucked).

Though, things could be worse for Michael Bradley, he could still play for Heerenveen, where he'd have to wear this shirt:


That's dead serious by the way. That's their home kit.

All the actual news that's happened this past week will probably be covered in the next podcast or in some actual article, but for this little shindig, I'm out.

Podcast No. 2

Just click the title for the download link.
Subjects include: this week's transfer news, reactions to the Gold Cup and the MLS All-Star game!

Fool's Gold: The Tale of the 2009 Gold Cup

My initial, as-optimistic-as-I-can-be reaction to the Gold Cup is "I guess overall, this team overachieved" (they exceeded my original of going out in the semis). When I predicted a few weeks ago that we could win this Gold Cup, I was anticipating that all those new players named to the squad (Jozy, Davies, Fielhaber, etc) would all be playing in the knockout round; however none of them saw a minute after the group stage (most of them went back to their European clubs) and so the squad was left to its average MLS-ers and Danish league All-Stars. Given this fact, I am (initially) kind of amazed that we got all the way to the final.

My amazement (and my belief that we overachieved) quickly fades as I realize that we played nobody of any significance to get there; a group consiting of Grenada (a terrible team who by the way were lacking their best player, the Rev's Shalrie Joseph), the Honduran B-team, and Haiti provided really no standard of any quality against which we can judge our C-squad. Panama in the quarterfinals took us 120 minutes to dispose of, while in the semis Honduras' B-teamers once again proved that they belong on the B-team.

So we took the cake walk all the way to the final, and it looks like we have a decent shot at it; USA's C-team vs Mexico's B-team... is there really that big a gulf in skill-level, I asked myself? We at least have some players who are capable of putting in a decent performance, namely Holden, Rogers, and Ching. Well, these players did not do themselves or their reputations any good services on Sunday. I remember one thing about each of them from the final: Holden's first half miss, Rogers' amazing run through 5 Mexicans which was finished by an awful cross, and Ching's general lack of speed. Notice that none of these are anything to put on the resume.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not pointing fingers; everyone-everyone- was crap. Crap. I was embarassed for them in that second half. As I watch the goals (very much in the same way our defenders watched the goals), it's like our defenders are both totally inept and totally indifferent. I've never seen such a beatdown in soccer, and this includes the 8-0 beating of Barbados. Credit to the Mexicans, they stepped up and dominated us on our own soil, which hadn't happened in 10 years.

We were (or at least should have been, I don't know what the oddsmakers ended up deciding) underdogs, even though at home. But were we five goal underdogs? I think not. We didn't earn ourselves the smallest speck of respect on Sunday, and if any of these players are hoping for call-ups in the future (you know, for games that actually matter), they are going to have to:

1. Play well at a club level that is higher than MLS

and

2. Hope that Bob Bradley is a forgiving man (except for Holden and Rogers, who I think earned themselves enough USMNT credit in the games leading up to the final to be considered "in the mix" for the A-team).

Otherwise, this Gold Cup will have taught us nothing more than 21 of the 23 man roster are not good enough to hack it at the international level.

La Copa de Oro: el final!!

Pues, es imposible que yo escriba este articulo totalmente en Castellano, entonces voy a escribir en Ingles, la idioma de los EEUU!!!!

So it all comes down to this; a tournament filled with B to C squads for all the major nations involved ends up the way we were all hoping it would- USA vs Mexico. And guess who's going? ME, along with Mr. Poeltl himself and possibly the Gersh as well as my two older brothers. I must say this final will be of substantially less quality than the 2007 final, but still I am expecting a hotly contested game. I mean it's USA-Mexico. Mexicans resent us for many reasons, and we resent Mexicans for almost no reasons- but regardless of reasons or lack there of, the resentment itself is what I am getting at. These two nations don't like each other one bit. It's going to get nasty at the final.

On to game analysis/previewing:

We get to see the "next generation" Mexicans (including Dos Santos, Vela, and Ochoa, among many others who play in la Primera de Mexico and therefore I know nothing about them) vs the "has beens, never was, and/or never will bes" of the USA. While that may sound a little harsh on the US players, it's kind of true. We do have some players in this tournament whom I rate very highly (Holden, Beckerman, Rogers) but none of them are forseeably going to earn a starting spot in the National Team (for more in-depth coverage of this topic, download our PODCAST from July 20th!).

I would fully expect, without doing any kind of matchup analysis, that Mexico will be fielding a better team than we will. I know others will disagree, but Dos Santos and Vela, though unproven in the Premiership, are players who I believe to be talented and prepared enough for regular time in the English top flight, and therefore will probably be the two most talented players on the field on Sunday. Ochoa is the Brad Guzan of Mexico, although he is much further along in the process of inheriting the throne of number one for his country than Guzan is. But regardless of comparisons to gringo keepers, Ochoa is a shotstopper of the highest quality, the type of keeper who knows where to position himself, knows when to act and how to act, and he has the reflexes of a cat... a wild cat. Other than that I know pitiously little of the Mexican team in this tournament, really the Mexican team in general- I will make it a goal of mine to follow el Tri more closely in the future, as they are our closest and most hated rival.

Moving on to los jugadores estadounidenses, look for Stuart Holden to play a huge role in this match. Leading the team in goals and assists for this tournament, Stuey has been a force on the right side of midfield, though I would hesitate to call him a "winger" per se. His style of play is not to fly up the sidelines like Sean Wright-Phillips or Aaron Lennon- Holden almost reminds me of a CM playing out on the right (which, depending on who you ask, he is). I've been impressed by Holden's passing in this tournament, as well as his SICK equalized in injury time vs Haiti (http://www.101greatgoals.com/videodisplay/2934542/). He is doing his best to break into the A team for the United States. He really could not be making much better of a case for himself, but to be honest he just won't be able to break into the middle (our depth at CM is incredible) and with Dempsey and Donovan on the wings, there is no room for Stu to boogie (if you get that reference... you ROCK. Also for more on this topic, once again download the PODCAST!!!). As for Kyle Beckerman, I expect to see very much a similar player to Holden in the final, only playing in the center of the pitch. These two would make a very interesting reality TV show pairing, like on the Amazing Race or something- somebody should get on that.

Right, well I am exhausted and cannot finish this post right now, but rest assured, I will give a detailed account of my trip to the Gold Cup final on here, and hopefully my tale will have a happy ending... Brian Ching will lift (or attempt to lift) the Gold Cup in victory!

To arms!! To WAR!!

Fashion Failures: Ugliest Kits for Upcoming Season

For those of you who have not heard, Getafe have recently unveiled their new kits, and I have to say, not only are they hideous, they are quite disturbing.
Yes, they're ugly, but what happens when you want to pull your shirt over your head in exuberant celebration of a goal. Unfortunately, the King has you covered....literally.


This is a step way too far, and if I played for Getafe, I could never, ever use my shirt in that fashion. Absolutely horrible. But anyways, I thought I'd do a segment on the (many) ugly kits that will be breaking your televisions in the coming year. The aforementioned Getafe wins due to their shameless marketing, but lets see who else makes the cut. Starting with England:


Manchester United Home Kit
This isn't sour grapes, it's really just, I mean look at them. They look a Chevron ad.









Newcastle United Away Kit
Uh, this looks like a fancy French vanilla ice cream, that really doesn't turn out too well. Pretty god-awful.










Olympique Lyonnais Away Kit
Good god.












Everton FC Home Kit
Sorry Kyle, this is a pretty ugly shirt. Big downgrade.









Bolton Wanderers Home Kit
I keep picking on the Brits, but they're losing the money battle, the champions league and NOW, the fashion battle. I don't even know what to say about Bolton's new jerseys, total dogshit.











Chelsea FC Home kit
This really comes down to something simple. You're Chelsea. You have a great shade of blue for your home color. Your jerseys should always just look fantastic. And then, you listen to Kramer and decide you need a "manssiere"










Racing Santandar All Kits
The chicks are great, but these colors are not. This is a crayon box on crack.









Beskitas Away Kit
Some people claim they like this. Then again, some people claim to enjoy watching cricket.


Well I'm done, there are some gloriously ugly kits for you guys to get excited about. This was in no way exhaustive (I looked for maybe 15 minutes), so if you guys find some other fantastically fugly shirts, post them up!

July 20th Podcast

Here is the link to the July 20th Podcast, courtesy of MediaFire. Just click on the Post Title. Just a warning, when you open the download link, it opens some pop-ups. Enjoy!