Cobra or Sodomy: A Discussion

This is a couple weeks old, but I was busy:


We are all familiar with this stunning goal by non other than Cesc Fabregas. I was quick to proclaim "COBRA COBRA COOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" when I witnessed it, and nearly wet myself with excitement. However, a real discussion has to be made into whether or not it was cobra, and if not, what type of hitback it was. Let's rule out the obvious.

Divine Sodomy: Cesc is in the opposing half and has never played defense. Not a chance.
The Rattler: Cesc appears to make no other attempts at the hitback, nevermind a constant stream of attacks that would declare a Rattler.
Sheva: I don't believe these are possible in professional football.
Sodomy from the Skies: CLEARLY NOT. Besides the great David Wronski would have chosen something other than a Gooner to be his Chosen Heir.

So let's go into the options:
Hambone: From the center forward position, a straight hitback on either keeper or defender.
Cobra: From a left forward or right forward position, a straight hitback on either keeper or defender.
Spitting Cobra: Same as above, with caveat that it loops over the defender and keeper.
Sodomy: A hitback from the midfield position.

Now, I believe we can immediately rule out Hambone, as Cesc is clearly not in a Center Forward position at the time of the hitback (I'm deeming his position on the pitch more important than his actual position in the formation) and I think we can also rule out a plain Cobra, due to the fact that if this is a Cobra, it is clearly a Spitting Cobra.

What needs to be addressed now my friends is the position of the hitback. Observe where Cesc hits the ball. Now observe the relative positions of players on a standard Tornado Foosball Table:


Clearly, my friends, what we are dealing with here is none other than a SPITTING COBRA!!!!! Well done Cesc. Well done.