Power Rankings, September 13

Hey guys, there has been a bit of hiatus in the maintenance of the glorious Chads United, but it's really because all of us went back to school and are still getting used to having shit to do all day. But anyways, here are the power rankings as of September 13th.

1. Chelsea Last Time: 2
Look, I don't like Chelsea, and they are taking on the habits of another team I really don't like: Manchester United. What habit? The games where they play like garbage, don't take their chances, but get a last-gasp winner to take all the points. You know what teams like this normally do? Oh right, win titles.

2. Manchester United Last Time: 4
Well, it seems like they are doing just fine without Cristiano. Despite one aberration of a loss to Burnley, they've dismantled their two North London rivals and despite their penchant for slow starts, they have started the season in devastatingly good form. Rooney's goal this weekend (the third versus Tottenham) showed off his class, and maybe he is living up to the hype.

3. Manchester City Last Time: 5
Yes, it is rather odd that I've placed a 100% team that just beat a title contender rather thoroughly and only conceded their first goal of the season this weekend in third, but that just is the strength of Manchester United and Chelsea. Yes, a Burnley loss looks bad, and Chelsea haven't looked consistently convincing, but who would you rather play? City are looking much more in the title race than many pundits thought, and having passed their first test of the season rather triumphantly, the question is slowly becoming, who in the Big 4 will be left out?

4. Tottenham Hotspur Last Time: 3
Well, we all knew that Spurs wouldn't last that long at the top didn't we? Despite a rather convincing loss, Spurs shouldn't hang their heads just yet. They're still in great position, and already have one Big Four scalp in the campaign, and if they can take at least a point off of Chelsea, they'll have to be considered just as much in the hunt as any of these top teams. The biggest question for them right now is whether or not Jermain Defoe can keep up his scintillating start.

5. Arsenal Last Time: 1
Ah, the difference a few weeks makes. After dismantling Everton and Portsmouth, we were all ready to crown Arsenal weren't we? Well, the city of Manchester has been rather unkind to them in the last two rounds, and it'll be hard to forget how they were bossed, particularly against City. They are a young team that has lots of natural instability (tons of players moving in and out of starting lineup) and that generally is an advantage, but with two losses on the trot, including one particularly disheartening one this weekend, can they avoid a serious slump?

6. Liverpool Last Time: 6
Well, they have two convincing 4-0 wins over two teams that were promoted in the last two seasons, and that's about all there is to be happy about. A loss at White Hart Lane isn't horrible, but a loss at home to Villa is. Not only did that remove some invincibility factor to Anfield, it inadvertently strengthened a rival as Villa has totally righted the ship. I'm not getting excited over this past win because they followed up a similar destruction of Stoke with an uninspired loss to Villa (though it was a rather unlucky 3-1). A confident win at Upton Park could do wonders.

7. Aston Villa Last Time: 12
Well, Scoops ended his last update on Villa with "Pull yourselves together, Villa!" Well indeed they have. While many could have seen the victory at Anfield as merely a slipup by an inconsistent Liverpool team crumbling under expectations, Villa has grabbed hold of that momentum and beaten the team they finished a spot above last season as well as their local derby. The gulf between 6 and 7 is easily the biggest, and I really would be stunned to see anyone from the current top 6 drop out barring a monumental collapse, you know, not too unlike the one Villa had last year. If Villa can pick up 6 points before City come to town, and get a result then, I'll reevaluate, but until then, have fun in Europa.

8. Fulham Last Time: 10
Fulham has two losses and two wins, not exactly first half material, but what it really comes down to is the competition. They lost to two teams above them in the table and these Power Rankings, one away and one home to Chelsea, and they've won they should have. Fulham is very well-managed and have a quality side, but it'll be a dogfight to get back into the Europa League next season. The most worrying aspect of the Chelsea loss is the possibility that this team can no longer grind out draws against top-shelf clubs at the Cottage, and without that, they'll be back in the bottom half in no time.

9. Sunderland Last Time: 9
Sunderland is something of an enigma and I really don't know what to make of them. To be honest, they'll probably be a lot like Steve Bruce's Wigan: a team that wins when they should, and loses when they should. They lost at Stoke, and then dropped a game to Chelsea. Rather expected. They then let their quality doing the talking against Bolton, Blackburn and Hull. They'll be the best mediocre team in this league, no doubt about it.

10. Stoke City Last Time: 11
Stoke were dreadfully unlucky not to get a point against Chelsea, and outside of the loss at Anfield, that would be more good news for the club. They've remained the same scrappy, difficult-to-beat team with a terrifying home atmosphere, except in this year's more watered-down league, they've become even more formidable. I expect a lot of 1-0, 2-1, 2-0 wins to come out of the Britannia this season, and they'll keep grinding them out to another season up.

11. Wigan Athletic Last Time: 14
It's surprising how bad I consider these teams now that we're in the bottom half. Hopefully in a month the league with have more form, but right now saying that Wigan is on the cusp of being a top-half team seems deranged, but really, who else? They've lost to Wolves, got throttled by Manchester United and are the only team Everton has gotten points from, but despite that, they've beaten Villa, and most importantly, just got a home win over the 12th ranked team, meaning that I am obliged to place Wigan above them. Who is that team you ask?

12. West Ham United Last Time: 7
Well, they SHOULD be better, but they aren't. They really are only in this position because of their talent level, and despite this talent, they've only picked up 4 points. Don't get riled up on me because Burnley has two wins and what not, I'll get to them soon enough. West Ham have been quite good defensively, they are just (unsurprisingly) finding out that Carleton Cole isn't the answer at striker. Actually none of their strikers are the answer. They need goals, and if they don't get them, they better pray they get a lot of 0-0 draws because having to keep clean sheets week in and week out will definitely wear down this defense.

13. Burnley Last Time: 8
It's hard to take a silver lining from losing 7-0 over two weekends, but it WAS at Stamford Bridge and Anfield, and did any of us predict anything different to start this season? No, not at all. Does it mean they're screwed? No, it just means they were able to successfully park the bus against the Red Devils and the Toffees at home, but will probably be lucky to Stoke anyone else this season. They've proven scrappy and look to have a great chance at staying up, and really, that's all they should shoot for. No Europa, no top-table, none of that. Just stay up. And they can.

14. Everton Last Time: 13
We've now reached a group I'd like to call the "Shit-Tastic Seven." You could probably throw West Ham in here too, but they have shown some signs of life. All in all, the following seven teams all fucking suck. Sorry for the profanity, but it needs to be said. So who is the leader of this inept group? Well, the team that should be battling with the Big 6 right now. The team with great talent and team spirit that FINALLY is healthy, and then promptly sucks. They've lost to Burnley and Fulham, got slaughtered by Arsenal and got a win against Wigan. They should be on at least 7 points, they're on 3. I didn't anticipate the Jolean Lescott thing screwing up their precious chemistry so bad, but guess what, I think it did. Bad days for the Toffees.

15. Blackburn Rovers Last Time: 19
So Blackburn is on quite a roll, they're last two games have been a draw and a MULTI-GOAL WIN! Amazing times right now down at Ewood Park. This team is pretty dreadful, but they get the nod purely because of their last two games, where getting 4 out of 6 points is rather respectable most places in the table, and particularly at this one.

16. Birmingham City Last Time: 17
This may be the single most boring team to ever grace the Premier League. The scores of their games thusfar? 1-0, 1-0, 0-0, 2-1, 1-0. 2-1! What a barn-burner! This team can't even lose emphatically, and really, the Birmingham-Stoke 0-0 draw must have led several onlookers to gouge their own eyes out. Almost fascinatingly boring, but not, so instead, just dreadfully so.

17. Wolverhampton Wanderers Last Time: 15
Wolves on the other hand are a harder team to figure out. They have some great games (giving their all at City, beating Wigan) and then their awful ones (getting destroyed by BLACKBURN). Probably the one team in the premier league I have the worst handle on, and that's definitely aided by the fact that I didn't watch the Championship at all last year. Seeing as I can't say anything with any sort of conviction, I'm just going to move on.

18. Bolton Wanderers Last Time: 18
Well, they've gotten significantly better since their loss to Hull (something like that makes you pay attention) and were unlucky to not get a point with Liverpool and then had a way-too-close win against Portsmouth. They're not a quality side, and staying up will be difficult, but for some reason I like Bolton. I don't know why.

19. Hull City Last Time: 16
Ah Hull, what a wild ride you always provide. A surprisingly talented squad, and already have a win and a draw! I would have placed them over Bolton, considering they beat Bolton, but they've also been destroyed twice this season. They were scrappy against Chelsea, and if they can be Good Hull just enough times this season, we might get another season of Orange-Glo Phil.

20. Portsmouth Last Time: 20
At least they have an owner.